Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
