You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
