How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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