dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
