Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
