Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
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