I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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