you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
