I molested 6 butterflies tonight
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
