idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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