I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
