listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
