you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
