If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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