My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
