WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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