I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
