I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
