Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
