i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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