My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
