If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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