I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
