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I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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