just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
