i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
