this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
