I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
