Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
