Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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