alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
