my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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