i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
