please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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