Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
