i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish you could order shots online.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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