Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
