i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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