I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
