Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
