it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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