I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
