is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
