I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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