absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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