Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
