Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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