If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
