My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
