I just saw a hot homeless man
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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