I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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