Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize