I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
