you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
