i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This house was built for laser tag.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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