Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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