you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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