Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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