he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
