I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
