It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You dont lie about slip and slides
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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