using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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