He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
