just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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