go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
