i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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