When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
