Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
