who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
