so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
