If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I booty called her while she was in labor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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