I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
