Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
