if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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