god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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