and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you will always have a special place in my vag
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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