there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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