can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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