I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
