I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
